The Productivist guide to navigating festive family time

Hello from Toronto!

As the festive season gains momentum here, and with family gatherings on the horizon, I'm reminded of the unique challenges and joys this time of year brings.

With this in mind, I've compiled some of the best strategies to share with you in today’s newsletter.

From managing expectations and gracefully handling sensitive topics, to maintaining your health and well-being amidst the season's indulgences.

You'll find tips for:

• saying “no” without guilt,

• a quick breathing technique to stay calm, and

• strategies to enjoy the holidays without unnecessary stress.

Now, let’s dive in and discover how to make this festive family time not only enjoyable but also productive!

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Before we begin: Here’s what you might have missed last week

• In issue #19 of The Productivist, I shared a guide to stress-free evenings.

• You learnt how to set up your shutdown routine at work and transition from a busy day.

• You discovered the importance of an evening routine and how to optimize your environment for winding down.

To access the full issue, click here.

Big idea #1: Manage your expectations and intentions.

The holiday season often comes with a high expectation of love, joy, and relaxation.

We want to feel connected and happy, and perhaps finally catch up on some much-needed rest.

However, more often than not, our high expectations are met with the blatant reality of things not going as planned.

This year, let's change our approach to the holiday season.

First, anticipate that not everything will go smoothly.

Accept that sometimes things turn out imperfectly.

And understand that pleasing everyone is an unrealistic goal.

Also, even though conflicts may arise, they don't have to define your holiday experience.

Instead, focus on setting intentions.

Set intentions for how you want to show up.

Set intentions for how you want to make people around you feel.

Set intentions for how you want to make yourself feel.

Focus on what’s in your control:

• expect less

• show up more

Big idea #2: Don’t hope. Don’t avoid. Predict and prepare.

“They better not bring this up during dinner!”

Spoiler alert: they will.

Now that you expect it, how will you prepare?

Here’s a 4-step plan:

1. Create a list.

   • Identify who or what is likely to upset you. Who usually tries to get under your skin?

   • Note topics you'd prefer to avoid (like relationships or career).

   • Think about specific questions that might trigger you.

   • Anticipate other potentially annoying questions.
   
   

2. Plan your response.

   • Now, you have an advantage of thinking through and planning your replies and escape strategies.

   • Consider humour as a deflection tool.
   For example, if asked, “So, when are you getting married?” allow a moment of awkward silence to make your point, then reply with light sarcasm, “Oh, you’ll be the first to know!”

   
   

3. Consider other options.

   • If certain questions make you uncomfortable, enlist someone's help in advance.
   • They can intervene by replying for you or changing the subject, like, “Can we please not talk about work? What’s the funniest memory you have of 2023?”
   
   

4. Handle persistence.
   • If they persist, don’t let it affect you. See it as a test of patience, with the reward being your resilience. View their insistence as a game and choose not to let them win.

Remember, merely hoping they won’t bring it up is a recipe for conflict.

Don’t hope. Don’t try to avoid it.
Anticipate the quetions.
Be prepared.

Big idea #3: Time and energy management is key.

The excitement of reuniting with family and friends over the holidays, especially when traveling back to your hometown, is undeniable.

However, it's vital to remember that you can't pour from an empty cup.

Here are a few key reminders:

1. Do not overcommit.

   • Stretching yourself too thin can lead to exhaustion and the need for a post-holiday break.

   • Strive for a balance that allows you to fully enjoy your time without feeling overwhelmed.
   
   

2. You can say “no” during the holidays too.
   • With numerous invitations from colleagues, family, and friends, assess your availability and desire to attend before accepting.

   • Use a calendar to check your schedule and reflect on whether you truly want to participate.

   • A useful tip: if you wouldn’t go to an event if it was tomorrow, you probably won’t want to go next week either.
   • Remember, it’s possible to decline invitations kindly and politely.
   
   

3. Express your emotions.
   • While gratitude is important, it's also crucial to acknowledge and express negative emotions if they come up. Do not bottle them up.
   • Talk it out with someone who has the mental capacity and willingness to listen, or consider journaling privately.
   • Suppressing emotions leads to one thing only: an untimely emotional outburst.
   
   

4. Prioritize sleep.

   • Quality sleep is essential to manage feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, and stress.

   • Make sure to get good rest during this busy time.
   • If you missed my earlier sleep mastery checklist, you can find it here.
   
   

5. Don't let the holidays become an excuse to sideline your healthy lifestyle.

   • Holidays don't have to put your healthy lifestyle on hold, even when family gatherings trigger your old unhealthy habits.

   • You can do both: enjoy your holiday treats and maintain your wellness routine.
   • Of course, go for a dessert, but practice mindful eating. Savor each bite and listen to your body’s hunger and fullness cues, instead of eating out of habit or for emotional reasons.

   • You probably won’t get to the gym, but make sure to get a 20-minute home workout or a brisk walk.

Big idea #4: Holidays is not the right time to debate and prove them wrong.

Expect that sensitive topics may arise during holiday gatherings.

We’ve witnessed too many conflicts in the world this year, so these subjects might come up in conversations.

Be prepared for this.

However, it's important to remember that family gatherings are not the environment for intense debates or teaching lessons.

While you might feel strongly about a topic and even succeed in winning the argument, others would only remember you as the person who spoiled the mood.

Unfortunately, it's often the person who gets triggered and tries to address hot-button issues who ends up being seen as the one who ruined the holiday spirit.

Save tough conversations for another time.

Outside of the holiday context, you might find a more receptive audience and actually get your point across effectively.

But having the same conversation during holiday gatherings paints you as someone trying to ruin a good time.

I made this mistake before. Trust me, you don't want to go down that road during the holidays.

Tiny Habit: Holiday party predrinks pre-breathwork

Never underestimate this simple 2-minute practice.

Predrinks might be the usual go-to for getting in the mood before a night out, but breathwork is actually effective, especially before a holiday event.

The additional level of anxiety or excitement you may feel anticipating the festivities makes your breathing shallower and quicker.

So, why not take a few minutes for deep breathing to enter the event in a calmer, more present state?

Give the 4-7-8 breathing technique a try:

• inhale for 4 seconds

• hold your breath for 7 seconds

• exhale for 8 seconds

The Productivist Questions

Family gatherings often remind us that there’s an appropriate place and time for certain conversations.

This principle, however, isn't just limited to family events; it's valuable in all areas of life.

I encourage you to always carry these key filter-questions in your mind before you speak:

• Does this need to be said?

• Does this need to be said by me?

• Does this need to be said by me right now?

As we wrap up, I sincerely hope that this season, whether you're celebrating or not, brings you joy and peace.

Remember, it's about expecting less, being more present, prioritizing self-care, and valuing connections over proving a point.

Let's carry these reminders into our holiday interactions for a truly fulfilling time.

Until next week!

Valeriya

PS: This time of year can be challenging for many, so let’s remember to be kind and understand that people who need the most love ask more it in the most unloving way.

🎁 The perfect holiday gift!

Give a gift that truly matters this season:

The chance for your loved one to kickstart 2024 with confidence. Offer them a coaching session with me, where they'll craft a personalized plan to achieve their goals more joyfully and efficiently.

This holiday season, I'm excited to offer a special deal:

For every coaching session you book, you'll receive an additional session to gift to a friend or loved one – 2 for the price of 1!

Secure this special rate and make a difference in someone's life. Book your sessions here.

Wishing you a joyful holiday season!