Your playbook on value networking

It's not what you know, but who you know that makes the biggest impact on achieving extraordinary success.

Oprah Winfrey's collaboration with a renowned film critic Roger Ebert during her early career played a pivotal role in shaping her path to success, eventually leading to the creation of her iconic talk show and media empire.

Even Warren Buffer, after being inspired by Benjamin Graham's book "The Intelligent Investor", applied to Columbia Business School in 1950 hoping to study under Graham. Despite initial rejection, Buffett's persistence led him to personally meet Graham in New York, convincing him to become his mentor. This connection shaped Buffett's investment philosophy and contributed to the his exponential success.

All that to say, every successful individual can name the people who helped them get there.

It’s time for you to start collecting those names.

In this issue of the Productivist, you’ll learn how to leverage the power of networking to achieve long-lasting success.

_{Read time: 8.5 minutes}

Before we begin: Here’s what you might have missed last week

• In issue #17 of The Productivist, I shared about body language mistakes stopping you from getting the respect you deserve.

• You learnt 3 ways to master your physiology for confidence.

• You discovered that confident body language persuades not only people around but also your own mind into thinking you are indeed confident.

To access the full issue, click here.

Big idea #1: Relationships are banks.

The last thing you want to do is to ask a new connection out for a coffee to “pick their brain”.

First, who has time for that? 🥲

Second, how about you make a few deposits before requesting a withdrawal?

View any relationship as a bank account.

In order to withdraw money, you first need to make a deposit.

Making a deposit is bringing value to another person:

• entertaining them

• helping them with something

• connecting them with the right person

• offering them advice regarding current projects

Only after making one or a few deposits (and not right away!) should you consider making a request for them to help you.

No one likes a taker who never gives. But being a giver without ever taking anything will lead to no success.

Find your balance.

Give value, give value, give value, then make an ask.
(Also known as a law of reciprocity)

Big idea #2: Value networking > social networking.

Here’s how to approach networking given 3 different scenarios:

I. An in-person networking event where you don’t know anyone.

You never know when you will meet someone who will change the trajectory of your professional life.

Or you may be introduced to the right person by someone whom you meet in that room.

So, the number one thing is to always prepare.

What for?

To make a good first impression.

How?

Stop focusing on you being interesting, and focus on them feeling that they are interesting.

Here’s how to do that:

1. Prepare interesting questions ahead of time.
   Break the pattern of typical networking questions. (I make some suggestions later in this newsletter.)

2. Focus on active listening.
   Do not listen to respond, listen to understand, to emphasize, to reflect, and to demonstrate genuine interest in learning more about the other person.

3. Say their name.
   Repeat their name a few times during the conversation. Their own name is their favourite word, so it is an easy way to leave a good impression and make them feel seen.

4. Avoid distractions.
   When you are speaking to someone, lock in. Do not look around the room as if you are looking if the person you actually want to speak to is available. Also, there is nothing more rude than you checking your phone while someone else is talking.

5. Look for how you can help them.

   Always try to learn what they are working on and what obstacles they face. Offer value in the form of advice, a right question, or help.

II. Networking when you know to whom you want to speak.

If your purpose is to connect with someone specific, whether in person or online, it requires even more preparation on your part.

Here’s your pre in-person networking checklist:

☐ Practice pronouncing their name correctly.

☐ Do your research to find what are some commonalities you have. (Same school, you’ve visited their hometown, similar university program, shared hobbies, or well-known people you both admire)

☐ Prepare a few stories that are at the intersection of those commonalities and your skillset/experience you want them to know about you.

☐ Prepare questions that are interesting, specific to their experience, and ensure they have a good time talking about it. While everyone else asks them generic questions, you will stand out.

☐ Create a list of 10 ways you can help them. You may not know exactly what they are working on, but get creative and think through all the ways your skillset could help them in their career or personal projects.

☐ Rank those 10 ideas on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of “chance of success” and “ease of implementation”. You can make your first offer to help when you meet them.

_{H/t Alex Brogan for introducing me to this “10 idea strategy”.}

III. Continuous networking.

How do you follow up with them after the first touchpoint?

• Do not push it.

  Yes, add them on LinkedIn and feel free to write “it was great meeting you” but do not go overboard. Give it a week or a few before reaching out to them again.

• Do not harass them.

  If they haven’t replied to your message, send one more. If they haven’t replied to the second one, wait 3 months before sending the next one.
  (Keeping records of your contacts is helpful for this, so more on that later.)
  

• Offer value.

  Always think about the value you can offer them. Go through the items from your “10 idea strategy” and keep enriching it as you get to learn more about them.

• Continue value networking.

  Your goal is to always know what they are working on, whom they are trying to meet, or what they need help with.
  

• Follow up on the advice they gave you.

  If you asked them for advice and they gave it to you, follow through. Then your follow up to them would be about how it went. They will love to hear that.

Big idea #3: Charisma is a skill.

Being charismatic in networking is like having a magnetic force – it effortlessly attracts opportunities and connections toward you.

On the flip side, lacking charisma is like sailing through a networking ocean without wind in your sails, making the journey challenging and interactions less engaging.

The good news is that charisma is a skill.

Here are 7 strategies to improve at it:

1. Make them feel important.

Maybe you’ve heard of SHR method before?

Make them feel:

• seen

• heard, and

• remembered.

Following value networking method we’ve just discussed will help you accomplish that.

Repeat their name, listen actively, be genuinely interested, ask great questions, and reflect back to them what you’ve heard.

2. Your body language and tone of voice are more important than what you say.

We have talked about body language cues in the previous issue of The Productivist, and you can revisit them here.

Remember, when it comes to networking, developing your warmth cues is even more important than your knowledge and competence.

Why?

Warmth cues include:

• a good posture facing another person

• open palms or mirroring their body language

• a smile, eye contact, eyebrow raise, head tilting, nodding

• warm and friendly tone of voice instead of sounding emotionless

I highly recommend this book to learn all about it: “Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication” by Vanessa Van Edwards.

3. Mirror, not mimic.

Subtly mirroring someone's body language and gestures can create a sense of rapport, but avoid mimicry.

Authenticity is key, so let it happen naturally.

4. Employ humour.

Goes without saying, they will have a much better time speaking with you if you also make them laugh.

Well-timed wit can also break tension, lighten the mood, and make you more relatable.

5. Keep your conversation lively by changing pace.

If things get too deep and serious, throw in a funny comment to break the tension.

Think about your favourite movies, songs, and books — they all mix it up, going from serious to fun and fast to slow.

Doing the same in your conversations makes them more engaging and fun for everyone involved!

6. Silence is power.

Pausing for 2 seconds before you reply makes your answer sound much more important and profound than it actually is.

Silence is a sign of powerful confident presence.

Do not overdo it, however.

7. Embrace your flaws.

Do not strive for perfection in your speech.

Imperfection and flaws make you human and offer more reasons for others to like you.

Bonus tips

What NOT to do when you are speaking to someone:

• Do not judge

• Do not gossip

• Do not assume

• Do not get distracted

• Do not touch your phone

• Do not make it all about you

• Do not mispronounce their name

Tiny Habit: Leverage your second brain for networking

Imagine having a library of all your connections, where you can:

• keep interesting information about them.

• write up summaries of your interactions.

• note down important dates in their life.

• note down their goals and projects.

• keep track of your last touchpoint.

• set reminders when to reach out.

This is a great practice for both personal and professional connections.

Imagine being reminded about your friend’s birthday coming up and not forgetting that gift idea you had for them 6 months ago (because you noted it down in your second brain!)

Or meeting an influential contact from your professional network and remembering to ask them about their daughter’s graduation coming up (because that is something that was brought up a year ago, and you noted it down in your second brain.)

The Productivist Questions

Today, I am giving you a list of much better questions than a typical networking ones.

1. Instead of “What do you recommend me to succeed?” ask “Why will I fail?”.
   (Then turn all the mistakes they shared into a to-do list of things to prevent or avoid.)
   
   

2. Instead of “What do you do?” ask “What are you currently building/working on?”
   (Instead of telling you their job titles, they tell you what priority projects they actually work on right now, and from there it is easier for you to learn what their goals are.)
   
   

3. Instead of “What brings your to this event?” ask “Is there anyone specific you want to meet tonight?”
   (How grateful would they be if you find the way to make that introduction.)
   
   

4. Instead of awkward “What are your goals?” use today’s context to learn about their priorities, e.g. “December just started, what’s most important for you to do until the end of the month?”
   
   

5. Instead of “What are your hobbies?” ask “What was the most interesting thing you've read or learned recently?”

Some brilliant questions you can use to dive deeper into a conversation:

• What have you changed your mind on recently?

• What would you do if you knew it was OK to fail?

• If you could have a dinner with 5 people from any point in history, whom would you choose and why?

Every week you should aim to meet at least one great person.

And now you have a playbook.

Until next week!

Valeriya

PS: December just started, what’s most important for you to do until the end of this year? 😉

Choose to experience harmony in your life

I’ve been helping dozens of overworked individuals to go from chaos to confidence in their lifestyles, and you deserve it too.

Book a session with me here.
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