Body language mistakes stopping you from getting the respect you deserve

You've likely come across the notion: it's not just about what you say.

The impact of your message extends beyond the spoken words to encompass the tone of your delivery and your body language.

Following the 7-38-55 rule, developed by Professor Albert Mehrabian, the dynamics are clear:

• 7% lies in your spoken words

• 38% is carried by your tone of voice

• 55% is conveyed through your body language

Today, we are diving into body language mistakes stopping you from getting the respect you deserve and how to master your physiology to feel more confident in your body.

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Before we begin: Here’s what you might have missed last week

• In issue #16 of The Productivist, I shared about the art of setting productive boundaries.

• You learned 9 steps to setting boundaries at work.

• You discovered the difference between healthy vs. unhealthy boundaries and how they can improve relationships.

To access the full issue, click here.

Big idea #1: Stop slouching.

If you look like a croissant, no wonder you are not feeling your best.

Slouching makes you feel less confident and contributes to a negative self-image.

If you are slouching while delivering a message, others get an impression that you are unsure, insecure, or disengaged.

If they are able to hear you, that is, because a slouched posture might also affect the clarity of your speech. It may affect the projection of your voice, making it harder for others to understand or engage with your communication.

Make fixing your posture your number one priority when it comes to body language.

Two ways to do that:

1. Move throughout the day.
   Take a break every 30-50min to stand up, stretch, shake your body, walk. As you are sitting or standing at your desk, also try to keep changing positions and move your feet, hips, and shoulders.
   
   

2. 10-minute daily stretching.

   You need to stretch and strengthen your muscles to improve your neutral spine position. Just 10-15 minutes per day is enough and is recommended by most professionals.

Ideal confidence-exuding posture:

• Position feet hip-width apart.

• Stand tall with a straight spine.

• Keep shoulders back and relaxed.

• Distribute weight evenly on both feet.

• Keep the head level and facing forward.

• Maintain an open torso without crossing arms.

• Expand the chest slightly, avoiding excessive puffing.

• Allow arms to hang naturally by the sides or use purposeful gestures. (More on that next: Big Idea #2)

Big idea #2: Be intentional with your hand gestures.

Did you know that keeping your hands hidden (in your pockets or under your desk) can be perceived as if you are hiding something?

That’s why paying attention to what your hands are doing is so crucial when we talk about body language.

Let’s start with a list of what NOT to do:

• Avoid fidgeting, as it may convey nervousness.

• Avoid crossed arms, which may convey defensiveness.

• Avoid hiding your hands for the reason mentioned above.

• Avoid exaggerated gestures that may come across as insincere or theatrical.

• Avoid gestures that are not aligned with your verbal message, causing confusion.

• Avoid constant or distracting hand movements that may undermine your message.

How to use your hand gestures effectively:

1. Open your palms, as it conveys a sense of trust and honesty.
   

2. Use these 5 hand gestures to emphasize key points in your message.

• Listing ☝️✌️ or mentioning a number. (Whenever you say a number that can be shown with your hands, show it; especially, if you are offering a list: point 1, 2, 3.)

• Showing the level 🤏 of something. (Use it to indicate how big or small something is.)

• Showing the difference or grouping 🫲 🫱. (Use different hands to make a contrast this vs. that or to gather two points this and that.)

• Prompting gestures 🫴. (If you want the person you are speaking with to reply to your question you can extend your hand in their direction.)

• Supporting gestures 🙏 to what you are saying. (As opposed to distracting gestures such as touching your hair or playing with your rings or watch.)

Big idea #3: Smile is an effective tool to influence you, not just others.

Here’s an experiment you should try right now:

1. Set a timer for 1 minute.

2. Smile.

3. When the time is up, assess how happy you feel.

Smiling tricks you into happiness, as you’ve spent your lifetime conditioning your brain to associate smiling with a release of serotonin and dopamine (happy hormones).

Speaking of body language, facial expressions are a big part of it. Make sure to practise them if it doesn’t come naturally to you.

Best recommendations for confident engaging encounter:

1. Make eye contact.
   They recommend to choose one go-to spot to look at as you are speaking with someone, so I recommend to choose either left or right eye and maintain your eye contact that way.

2. Relax your mouth and jaw.

3. Smile gently.
   If you are not used to it, it will turn out awkward and disingenuous. Practise in private until you are smiling without thinking about it.

4. Open your eyes and lift your eyebrows a little.
   It is important not to overdo it, but rather express interest in what the other person is saying.

Tiny Habit: Stand during virtual meetings

You can influence how people perceive you virtually if you change a few things in your environment and the way you show up for those meetings.

If you work remotely, your virtual meeting look is your modern-day suit.

It is how you make your first impression.

Here are 10 tips to level up your modern-day suit:

1. If you have a standing desk, use it.
   When you stand, your posture is better, your feet are firmly planted, and you are not tied to a chair - all of which give you more confidence.

2. Keep your camera on the same level as your eyesight. (Not just a personal preference, but you are perceived much more friendly and professional if you opt for such setup)

3. Look at the camera when you speak, not at the meeting attendees or yourself.

4. Use hand gestures as seeing your palms creates more trust. In order to do that, you will need to adjust your proximity to the camera.

5. You should be not to close to the camera that we only see your face, but also not too far that it looks like a lesson from Masterclass.

6. Keep your background tidy and minimalistic not to take away attention from you. Never have a bed in the background.

7. Dress up in clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable. I often opt for a tidy t-shirt for my calls, but you may need to dress up a bit more.

8. Wearing shoes (if working from home) is actually a great hack to differentiate work from leisure time. If you work in sleepers and pijamas, maybe that’s why it’s been hard for you to focus.

9. Have a main light source directed at your face at an angle from behind the camera. If it is above your head, such as a typical ceiling light, you may look like a racoon due to shadows under your eyes.

10. Opt for the best audio source you have. Often the one built into your headphones.

In addition, if you are taking a non-video meeting and want to be more confident, stand up and let your body to participate in the conversation (hand gestures, walking).

All of this will make your message more influential and credible, while making you look more confident and professional.

This is how you make it easy for yourself to be more confident.

The Productivist Questions

As we wrap up our today’s topic, I’d like to leave you with these two questions to reflect on:

1. What specific qualities or traits do you want others to perceive in you upon first meeting?

2. How can your body language align with these goals?

Remember:

Mastering your physiology is not only a useful skill to influence how others perceive you, but it is also an excellent tool to regulate your mood and emotions.

If you want to feel confident → do a power pose.
If you want to feel happy → smile.
If you want to feel calm → do yoga poses. 🙃

Until next week!

Valeriya

PS: What topic(s) do you wish to learn about in the future editions of The Productivist? Please reply to this email with your suggestions!

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