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The Productivist guide to emotional freedom
[Meaning. Spirals. Role model mindset]
Valeriya Patrei
August 12, 2024
Are you letting emotions derail your day?
This one's for you!
Today, you'll uncover the secrets:
How can you change the feelings you experience in life?
What makes emotions such a powerful force that shapes your reality?
How can you take back control?
Imagine navigating life's challenges with calm and clarity — no matter what comes your way.
Ready to level up?
Let’s dive in.
Read time: 5.5 minutes
Before we begin: Here’s what you might have missed in the past few weeks…
In issue #53 of The Productivist, I shared high performance tips for boosting your confidence. Check it out here.
In issue #52, you discovered how to receive, ask for and give productive feedback. Read it here.
In issue #51, you learned why & how to break the cycle of late-night creativity. Access it here.
Which one was your favourite? Just hit reply and let me know! 🫶
Big idea #1: Take control of the meaning
You might not like hearing this, but...
It’s not your boss
It’s not the news
It’s not [fill in the blank]
…that makes you miserable.
The feeling you experience is your own choice.
Before this message upsets you, let me explain…
I believe that while negative emotions are not entirely within your control, your feelings are.
What’s the difference?
Emotions are random impulses, short-lived.
Feelings are a prolonged state, shaped by the meaning you attach to those emotions.
Emotion x Meaning = Feeling
Negative emotions arise — they’re a part of life.
(We can work on shifting default negative reactions to default calmness, but that’s not our focus today.)
Expect negative emotions, but understand that the meaning you assign to them is your choice.
It’s that meaning that can turn a 30-second emotion into a negative feeling that lasts all day.
For example:
If your team made a huuuuge mistake...
The default emotion you may feel is anger.
And the meaning you might attach is “I am allowed to be angry - they screwed up!”
But if you give it some thought:
Is it the only way to respond? No.
Does this response serve you well? Likely, no.
Then, why would anyone react this way?
My understanding:
Because they let their primal brain run the show.
Impulsive reactions (fight/flight/freeze) come from the amygdala.
Self-regulation, reasoning, and impulse control come from the prefrontal cortex.
This ability to self-regulate and control impulses is what makes the human brain so unique:
My dog sees a squirrel → her impulse is to chase → so she does (or tries to.. there’s not much hunting she can do on a leash. 🥲)
Someone makes a rude comment → my impulse is to verbally attack them back → but I can make a choice to not act from that impulse.
It’s about having a choice.
So, going back to our example, if your team made a huge mistake, realize that you have options:
Let the emotions drive your feelings and actions.
Or sense the emotion, but put it on hold to access the best response for the situation.
Or choose from the many other ways to respond!
This is how I visualize it:
Remember:
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
The unwanted emotion may pop up.
It doesn’t have to last longer than a couple of minutes.
But if you ruminate on it and react from it, it will turn into a lasting feeling that will have a bigger impact on your performance and results.
Why not talk about it next!
Big idea #2: Emotions trigger spirals
Remember the visual I shared in the previous issue about unlocking your mind’s potential?
Where do emotions fit in here?
Our circumstances, environment, and results often trigger the emotions we experience.
If you believe you are a victim of your circumstances:
Negative emotions will be filtered through that lens.
This will lead to thoughts that support a disempowering narrative.
Which will kick off a downward spiral of self-sabotage, through actions (or inactions) that result in worsening outcomes and circumstances.
Here’s what a downward spiral might look like:
Now, imagine working on reframing your beliefs, identity, and mindset to foster a sense of self-efficacy, allowing you to handle anything life throws your way.
Let’s call it the “everything is figureoutable” mindset.
(Thank you, Marie Forleo!)
Change starts with this mindset shift.
Want some practical strategies to interrupt the negative pattern? Read on.
Big idea #3: Two questions to summon your best when negative emotions arise
I invested $15K in a mastermind to learn this strategy — so you don’t have to.
Ever wonder how high performers stay cool under pressure?
How do Olympians tame their emotions when it’s go time?
Here’s their secret:
They check in with the role that’s required of them.
The first question they ask:
“What’s my role here?”
(Role model mindset)
Going back to our example, imagine your team makes a mistake.
Your default reaction is anger.
But if you pause and ask, “What’s my role here?”
You realize — you’re a leader. And as a leader, your job is to guide your team through the issue, not let anger take the wheel.
It’s not about “What must I do?” It’s about “What’s the next right action of integrity for me as a leader?”
The same applies in your personal relationships:
Say your spouse gives you feedback you didn’t ask for.
Your default reaction might be to get defensive, upset, or start an argument.
Hold on hold on.
What if you check in with yourself and ask, “What’s my role here?”
You might remind yourself, “I am a loving and supportive partner.”
Given that role, ask “What's the next right action of integrity?”
Then, make a decision based on that.
The second question that helps filter emotions:
“What’s the judgment I just made?”
In the example of being upset with your team:
Ask yourself, “What’s the judgment I just made?”
I judged that they should have known better.
I judged that they were distracted at work.
I judged that it would take long time to fix.
Etc.
Understanding the judgments you make is powerful.
It reveals areas for growth and offers clarity about why you feel a certain way in any situation.
Most people live their lives never questioning the judgments behind their emotions.
But judgment often explains why you feel the way you do — and why others might not feel the same way in the same situation.
The difference lies in the judgment (a.k.a. meaning).
And we went full circle! Hopefully in the upward direction too. 😉
Next time you doubt yourself, ask “What’s the judgment I am making here?”
You may come up with things like:
I judged myself as not capable of following through.
I judged myself as not worthy of success.
I judged the opportunity as scarce.
Etc.
These judgments will either be untrue and unfair or reveal areas you need to focus on.
This way, doubt won’t lead to procrastination — it will inspire you to get into motion.
These two questions are truly game changers.
Note them down and keep them close — they can transform how you navigate challenges.
The Productivist Challenge: 7 days of generative journaling
Want better quality emotions?
The most powerful habit to unlock emotional freedom is…
Drumroll, please! 🥁
Journaling.
(I know, I gave it away in the title)
It doesn’t matter if you use a physical journal, a digital one, or even record audio entries.
What matters is that you do it as consistently as possible.
One more thing:
While today we’ve mainly focused on responding to emotions that arise, it’s important to remember that emotions can also be generated.
How?
By being intentional and thinking ahead through the emotions you’d love to experience.
I know! If you want to experience something, plan for it. Shocking advice! 😅
Here’s how an entry may look like:
“Tomorrow I want to feel focus and energized as I work on my priority project. I want to get into flow and spend the first 2 hours of the day uninterrupted. I should notify my team and block all notifications for that time…”
As you're writing about it, you are also setting yourself up for success by thinking things through.
Below is a powerful journaling prompt to reflect on every day.
The Productivist Question:
What emotions do I want to feel tomorrow, and what specific actions can I take to cultivate those feelings throughout the day?
Wish you a beautiful week ahead,
Valeriya
PS: What’s been the biggest lesson for you today? Let me know by hitting reply or DMing me on LinkedIn!
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